Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
