guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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