remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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