flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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