I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
