all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
