you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
