Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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