im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
