so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am midnight drunk by noon
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
