they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
