I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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