Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
