just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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