We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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