My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we're so committed to being not committed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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