I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We got so high we made milksteak
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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