I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
