Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
