I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
