She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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