You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
