I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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