I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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