If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i believe in u and ur pee
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