Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
