Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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