did you get engaged???
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
