that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
