"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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