I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
