so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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