You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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