Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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