Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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