Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
