we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
