The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
