i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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