I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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