Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
