If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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