You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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