Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
