Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
