I smell stomach acid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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