dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
