I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
well you can't waste a boner
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
