just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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