My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
