last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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