Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
