made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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